East Coast Tour: Washington DC

I've been in Washington DC since Thursday night. It's a really cool city, I'm enjoying it a lot. People overhyped how cold it was going to be—the gloves, scarves and sweaters my mom forced me to pack are still in my embarrassingly over-packed suitcase. I've learned very quickly just how much of a So Cal guy I am, that's for sure. Every sentence that comes out of my mouth, people here laugh because I say things like "dude" or "gnarly" about every 4th word. I think I've got a few of them saying "gnarly" now, so I'm trying to represent for us back home.

Friday night I got unbelievably wasted. Happy hour, drinks with dinner, and then out to this place called Rocket Bar in the DC Chinatown. The place was awesome, a huge bar with arcade games and whatnot—perfect balance of being an adult but still thinking like a kid, so I appreciated it. The people here are so different, but I love it. There isn't that pretentious vibe you get out in LA. No one is trying to be cool, or to impress anyone—they just are who they are and embrace it. Dorky guys have no problem acting like dorks, and ironically I think that makes them pretty fucking cool. Its nice to see how different people are, and it definitely makes you think about how fake things can get in the LA/Hollywood scene. Anyway, we're partying at this bar til like 3am, and somehow I end up in an apartment where I only knew like one person, and they start passing around a bong. I am drunk beyond belief, in no condition to be adding to my level of intoxication, but what the hell, right? I take one hit, and I immediately regret it. It was the strongest shit I've ever tried, I literally felt it taking over my body limb by limb. I tried to keep my cool, but ended up passing out on someone's bed for like 15 min (but felt like 15 hours), and then had to get back to my friend's place, who was just as wasted as I was. I popped out of bed, had no idea where I was, and just ran out the door. I knew what address I had to get to, but no clue which direction it was. Did I mention it was pouring rain? I spent about 30 minutes running drunk in the rain by myself in Washington DC trying to find my way home. It's a creepy feeling when you're that wasted and no one is around… I felt like Will Smith in I Am Legend, if he was a borderline alcoholic. It was a trip, but I finally made it back.

I had to make a quick recovery because last night I had my first East Coast show at the Hyatt in Bethesda, MD. I had no clue who the other comics were, what to expect, or if this was gonna be a show with like 10 old people in the crowd. It ended up being AWESOME, I had a killer set, and found out that they like smoking weed and ordering Domino's Pizza in Maryland too! It was a really great experience to finally do some shows outside of Southern California. People dress so conservatively out here. I was told I wouldn't be allowed on stage if I didn't have a button up shirt and slacks. It's a weird feeling doing jokes about masturbation and having sex with a girl who was too lazy to move in bed while dressed up so nicely, but oh well that's what they wanted! Then we got drunk til like 6am after the show… sense a theme in this trip yet?

Took it easy today, getting some writing done. I went for a run, and ran past the Washington and Jefferson monuments—pretty cool stuff. They have all these quotes carved in to the monuments that are really inspiring. These dudes were brilliant. Then I went home and wrote a new boner joke.

Leaving for New York as we speak! Hope to see some of you at Caroline's tomorrow!

--Robbie